There's no denying that a divorce can be hard on you. It's a long, seemingly unending walk down a particularly rocky road, and the aftermath often leaves you confused, hurt and feeling not-so-good about yourself.
Eventually, you pick yourself up, and start to go about your life, albeit with a few changes. People are kind to you, for most of the part, and sooner or later, you get asked if you're looking to start dating again. You don't quite know how to respond to it, but you've been pondering over this question yourself. You've found yourself surrounded by couples at weddings, you've been the awkward single guest at a party. And you're tired.
It isn't like you aren't noticing people, or finding someone attractive. People are noticing you too, whether it's that cute guy at the bar, or your new colleague who tried to ask you to coffee. Each time you think about dating again, that thought is like a slice of cake with too many toppings than it can hold - self-doubt, fear, anxiety, disappointment.
But sooner or later, you've got to move on. Your life doesn't need to come to a permanent standstill post-divorce. With a little bit of effort, you'll be able to spring to your feet and feel confident enough to meet new people. Read on, and find out how:
Somewhere along the road between before the divorce and after, the real you is buried under all that baggage. Step one - find it, and shine it up. Before you get others to like you, you need to like yourself first. Find out what makes you smile, and make time for yourself, whether it's a new workout, a hobby class, a backpacking trip or a new book club. Not only will it make you more confident (and thereby more attractive), but you'll also discover opportunities to meet new people
You're no stranger to emotional ups and downs and you don't need more than you've already been through. Don't get worked up, no matter what happens. Maybe you won't be able to flirt the first couple of times. Maybe you'll find someone really attractive, but they won't respond. Maybe things will take off at a pace you didn't quite anticipate. No matter what the situation, you're only going to be able to deal with it if you stay calm and patient.
Laugh It Out
Humour is a fantastic icebreaker when it comes to dating. A little light-hearted humour will add a sparkle to your conversations, and take off the pressure to impress, or say something meaningful and serious all the time. Find out what makes you smile, and also what makes the other person laugh. Be yourself, even if you are rib-tickling funny. What's not cool? Forced humour, offensive jokes and insensitivity. If underhanded jokes aren't cool, neither are underhanded compliments.
These are only a few things to keep in mind before you start dating afresh after your divorce. Other than these, you want to make sure you're honest to yourself and to the other person, and remember, always, that everyone you meet isn't going to break your heart!